Before, During, and After
by Sebe
Summary: Season 6 spoilers. Even if Sam doesn't want it, Dean knows what's best for his little brother and he'll see him through the fallout. Unstable!Sam.
1. Before the Fall

Author's Notes: Three part short story taking place before Sam gets his soul back, through the fallout of Dean's decision, and awhile after. This part: Sam doesn't want his soul back and Dean knows it, but that doesn't mean he's gonna go along with it.

Summary: Season 6 spoilers. Even if Sam doesn't want it, Dean knows what's best for his little brother and he'll see him through the fallout.

**Before the Fall**

"Anything turn up?" Dean asked casually and handed Sam a beer.

"Not much." Sam responded with as much confusion as he could muster up these days. Dean grit his teeth. Sam was barely even annoyed. It was getting worse. Dean watched him carefully as he downed the beer. He was even more sure now. He had to do this.

"You should've let me go after the husband. He knows more than he's letting on."

Dean didn't argue with Sam, just nodded his head.

"Maybe."

It was strange for Dean to not try and explain to Sam why something would be wrong, to just acquiesce like that.

Sam shook his head, lightheaded for a moment.

"We could at least, um…" What was he going to say? Sam noticed the tips of his fingers felt numb and he stared at them curiously.

"You alright there, Sammy?"

"Yeah…just…" Sam looked up. His brother hadn't moved, wasn't tense, there was a calculated expression on his face and he watched Sam carefully. He wouldn't…Sam looked at his empty beer bottle and he thought he may have felt something like betrayal. "Y-You drugged me?"

Some brief flash of remorse flicked across Dean's features. He stood up, abandoning his own beer and walked closer to Sam.

"I had to." He wasn't trying to validate what he'd done, just telling Sam a fact.

"How could…why?"

Dean didn't say anything and Sam felt everything getting farther away. He tried to make it to the bed, but his legs gave under him. Before he could hit the floor, Dean caught him, holding him up.

"Dean…" Sam's vision blacked out and he slumped fully into his brother's grasp.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

And Sam knew he meant it


	2. During the Flood

Summary: Dean forced Sam to get his soul back, but he never let himself think about how bad the fallout could be. Cas and Bobby try to help the brothers through it.

**During the Flood**

Dean stroked his thumb over the heavy circles under his brother's closed eyelids before going back to carding through his hair. He scoffed bitterly.

"God, he's really bad, isn't he?"

Dean didn't take his eyes off his brother so he couldn't see the genuinely tortured look in Castiel's eyes.

"…I told you that he would-"

"Yeah." Dean cuts him off because he knows Cas had warned him that this could happen. That Sam would come back too damaged, that he would only be hurting his brother more. Dean went ahead with it anyway.

The hunter held back tears and nodded.

"Yeah…"

"I was selfish." Dean's voice was whiskey heavy, but not drunk. Cas was watching his brother, but he had to be alert in case Sam needed him. In case Sam could suddenly recognize him.

Bobby watched and let Dean get out what he needed to.

"I was selfish when I made that deal and I was selfish again." He shook his head. "Cas warned me, you warned me, but I-"

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face.

"I didn't wanna be alone. I didn't want to be without my brother." Dean hung his head and bit his lip to keep back a cry. "I wanted to protect him…and I damned him instead."

Bobby knew this was a delicate situation, but he's never be anything more than straight-forward with his boys. He laid a hand on the kid's hunched shoulder.

"…You're both selfish, Dean." Bobby felt muscles tense under his hand and, not for the first time, wished he was better with words. "But not in a bad way, not really. You just…need each other."

Bobby crouched down so he could see Dean's eyes, looking at him hopefully.

"I've watched you two grow up, grow apart, grow back together…Dean, Sam couldn't handle you dying any better than you did when he died. The only difference is that no demon would deal with him. You boys can't function apart. You just self-destruct."

Bobby huffed, hoping this was coming out right.

"I don't know about the grand scheme of things or the greater good and all that nonsense, but…I know what you two have is rare and you should never second guess doing everything you can to hold onto that."

Dean looked like he wanted to believe Bobby so _badly_. He wanted absolution, for him and his brother and Bobby was the only one he would accept it from; the only one that meant anywhere near what Sam did to him.

"He can't even function, Bobby. He won't eat, won't talk, he can't even walk. He falls all the time-"

"Then you pick him up."

Dean gave him a confused look and the hunter sighed.

"You two are halves of each other, right? Soul mates?" Dean ducked his head a bit, automatically embarrassed a bit by the term and it's usual connotations. Bobby rolled his eyes and kept on.

"My point is, you balance out together. When one of you sinks down under it all, the other stands up taller to pull you up. If you're depressed, Sam's more earnest. If Sam loses focus, you see sharper. And if Sam's broken…you be more sure than anyone that you can fix him."

Dean searched the older man's eyes appraisingly, then nodded.

"Yeah…" Dean smiled shortly, but genuinely. "Yeah, I can do that."

Bobby patted Dean's shoulder and stood up, turning back to his study.

"Thank you, Bobby."

"Oh, I'm sure we're gonna have a lot more Steel Magnolia moments before this is all said and done, so just save up the thank you's for now, alright? Now go see your brother."

Dean smirked and started off toward the bedroom, reinvested in the promise that he'd made to Sam a lifetime ago. If it was the last thing he did, he'd save Sam.


	3. After the Storm

Summary: Awhile after reclaiming his soul and it's been a hard road for both Sam and Dean. They're still not out of the thick of it, and maybe Sam never will be, but they'll muddle through together. Just like always. Hints of powers!Sam.

**After the Storm**

Dean stood back from Sam, sitting on the grass with a faraway look in his eyes. He was shaky and pale. Dark circles sat above hollowed cheeks. He still wasn't sleeping and Dean and Bobby were hard pressed to get him to eat.

The older Winchester walked toward Sam. He made sure to make noise so as not to startle his brother, though he was fairly positive Sam knew he was there.

Sam knew a lot these days.

He sat on the ground next to Sam and just stared at the sky. It was a mock-up of their tradition of staring at the stars on the hood of the Impala. Dean was still looking at stars, but he was sure Sam was seeing through them.

Minutes, maybe an hour passed in comfortable silence and Dean let it. He couldn't push Sam. He would talk if he wanted to, if he could get his thoughts in order, so Dean just let himself be in the moment.

"Would it have changed anything…if I had run…" Sam's voice is scratchy and soft. "And kept running…back then?" _Before…all this. Everything. When the world was still as simple as hunting down a spirit or Wendigo and making it back alive._

Sam shivered and shook and looked at Dean with glassy, desperate eyes, head bowed so he was staring up at his brother for the first time since he hit thirteen.

Dean wouldn't lie to Sam, wouldn't coddle him anymore. He couldn't, not if he wanted to protect him. It was a painful, long lesson to learn, but Dean had. How could he protect his brother from the danger and darkness coming at him if he was always standing in front of him? To stand in front of Sam meant to never _see_ Sam. He needed to stand with his brother, beside him so he could see what was coming and take it out without losing sight of Sam himself.

"I don't have any answers Sam. I wish I did, but…I think the same things. Would you have had the normal life you always wanted if I hadn't shown up at Stanford that night?"

"I didn't-"

Dean shook his head shortly. He didn't misunderstand, he knew what his brother meant.

"Maybe…you would've been safe. Maybe they would have gotten to you anyway." Dean shrugged "Maybe it would've been a lot worse. But I think…"

Dean scoffed and turned to face his little brother, who seemed to hang on his every word. Just like when they were kids and Dean was Sam's _brotherprotectorgod_. When every lesson and bandaged knee and praise was golden.

Dean knew exactly where they would have ended up no matter what winding path they took and he told Sam as much.

"I know no matter how it happened…we'd still be here."

In this moment, right now.

Together.


End file.
